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COMPLETED: 19 June 2013/9pm

16 June 2013/11pm

good morning...

I have quite a bit to discuss here today,

so I thought I'd begin a little earlier than usual

with my update.

*even though I probably won't post until just before bed.

ok then. so today is fathers day.

normally when I was growing-up/young adult,

my phone calls would have already been made to

my father, and grandfather this morning.

as I've stated before on these pages,

I moved around alot growing-up.

living w/different family members

(that's what having divorced parents causes sometimes),

being w/my dad 5yrs, and my pops 1yr.

*the only reason why I bring this 'family-history-flashback' up is to tell you that my lack of a 'stable father figure'

in my life still bothers me to this moment.

why am I sharing this on 'fathers day'?,

I'm not really sure, I just felt like it.

*remember. I'm currently NOT seeing a therapist,

nor do I talk to anyone about anything that is

'treading' on my soul or 'psyche'.

so no matter if there is only 1 reader here or 10,000,

you ALL get to be my 'online' therapist.

lucky you!!!

ok then. I've been awake since 4am-ish,

and 'up' since' 4:30am.

(over 6hrs now)

and since there was a stack of presents here on the

kitchen island when I came down for coffee,

I decided to get 'a little payback' for christmas mornings

and wake the girls up so I could open 'my gifts'.

ha. they were both excellent sports.

(I left Jessica alone, and l.g. 'aint here')

but after an hour of laying on the couch/floor in the den,

the sleepy-heads went back to bed.

I actually made-out pretty well this year.

my gifts included;

'games of thrones' dvd seasons 1-3,

'dexter' dvd seasons 1-5,

'true blood' dvd seasons 1-2,

*I have never seen 1 episode of any of the above series,

but I'm looking forward to watching them and seeing

what 'most of you' are always talking about.

I also got some new bbq tools/utensils from this

awesome place, williams & sonoma.

and a new beard trimmer/shaver.

*plus a few gag-gifts that I won't get into.

after gifts, coffee, sportscenter and 'poop patrol'

(ya. you'd think maybe someone might have done this),

I decided to catch a glimpse of the u.s. open golf tourney

and catch-up on a few of your blogs/web sites.

*I'm very, very glad to see/read that I'm not the

only person in the world that is having personal issues

with his/her life right now.

**don't you guys feel it a little awkward about sharing such issues w/people that you have no idea who they are?

sometimes I do.

but fuck it.

other times I don't give a shit!

(except when my ex-wife checks-in on my current status)

I will admit, there are a 'few of you' I wouldn't mind

'getting to know'.

and instead of making a 'huge production',

I'd just rather chat over drinks/dinner,

and maybe go dancing.

*I haven't danced forever. I love to dance.

anyway. that was just a 'mindless' thought.

I think I may have bit-off more than I can handle with my last relationship (plus one).

so maybe my 'best bet' is to just 'relax' and not get overly involved with anyone new until it's been decided what should be done with my last 'one-on-one'.

(like as if I have any say so in this matter)

anyway. I do appreciate the invitations/offers a few of you have 'reached-out' to me with,

but for 'right now' I'm thinking I should just 'not'.

*I do love the pictures though.

well. I have just been so informed that I am to shower,

and 'get pretty' because I'm being taken out to lunch. outstanding...


ok then. as far as I'm concerned,

father's day 2013 is now officially over.

and I admit, I had a blast today.

the girls and I had lunch at this 'no frills' restaurant,

'malibu seafood' on pch.

it's nothing fancy what-so-ever,

but the food is some of the best seafood I have 'ever' had.

*Ash & I discovered this place a few years ago by accident. the 'squid steak sandwich' on sour dough is awesome,

and the girls love the 2pc fish & chips.

if you ever get the chance to go, GO.

*located about a 1/2 mile east of corral state beach

on pacific coast highway

(pch, hwy 1)

and as an added bonus,

you can show-up w/your own bottle of wine.

(no corkage fee)

*just don't forget a 'cork-screw'.

after lunch we headed to santa monica,

to do 'the pier' and 'the ocean walk'.

we spent the rest of the afternoon/evening there,

getting back home just about 30min ago.

Ash & Elli ran upstairs as soon as they walked in the door

to share our afternoon adventures w/Jessica.

*and I'm sure to 'brag' about meeting some new boys.

I fucking hate boys. HATE 'EM!!!

anyway. grandpa Jack is currently watching

'mountain men' on the 'history channel', and is looking thru his current issue of cigar afficianado magazine.

*Jack got a large humidor loaded w/a variety of cigars

for his father's day gift.

also: a few lighters, hand-held cutter,

a free standing 'outside' ashtray,

a monogrammed hard case,

and a outside air purifier that will run constantly when

he is smoking those 'stinky' tobacco rolls.

needless to say, Jack was a happy boy today.

now he has his very own 'smoking area' set-up outside.

*I thought about a 'smoking jacket,

and a personalized 'smoking allowed' sign also.

but I didn't get around to it. next time.

ugh. I just got off the phone w/l.g., and now I feel like shit.

I have so much more I wanna share but now I'm just

not in the mood to write.

I'm going to go outside for a while and just sit in the dark.

I doubt I'll be back tonight.

I'll just post this now, and update again tomorrow.

good nite...

17 June 2013/7:30pm

**I originally posted this entry once completed,

and then contacted the individual whom the entry was concerning.

once she read my posting, she contacted me and demanded I delete it, stating it was none of anyone's business and I'm a 'fucking asshole'

for sharing it with you guys.

I did indeed 'unpublish' the entire page before bed,

and was planning on 'censoring' a few words before re-posting,

but after awaking this morning and listening to this woman's vm's she left me during the night (4 total) and then having a 'semi-heated'

convo w/her just moments ago,

I decided to 're-publish' as is.


DISCLAIMER: everything written below was told to me by the individual herself

between 15 June 2013/3am and 17 June 2013/6pm...


ok then. I have a little time here to myself,

so I thought I would clear my thoughts.

now normally I don't like to mention such

'debatable subject matter'

on these pages that would cause any sort

of controversy with any of you who come back here

every so often to read my words.

*even though I have received plenty of 'feedback'

from previous posts,

both positive and negative.

I've learned throughout my life that the 'big two' to

never discuss in any sort of open arena are;

'politics & religion'.

reason being.

no matter your opinion,

or whatever your beliefs are,

there is ALWAYS going to be somebody within 'ear shot'

that differs with you.

that's individualism,

which entails the moral worth of that individual.

as most of you know by now,

my political stand has always been 'republican'.

not because I agree or endorse their 'actions'

on 'what is' or 'what should be',

it's because everyone in my family has always been associated with that particular party.

*and yes. I did indeed vote for Obama this time around.

my religious beliefs are 'muddy' at best.

I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, that's all I know.

ok then. now that I have 'bared my soul' of these

two 'unpopular to discuss' subjects,

there is a third I have been recently introduced to

via an old acquaintance.

sexual orientation.

now before any of you jump to any sort

of predetermined conclusion ahead of these words,

this particular situation has nothing to do w/me or

anyone I'm currently associated with.

but it does have something to do with someone who I had had a very intimate affair with,

and fallen madly in love with nearly 18yrs ago.

*ya. I fell in love alot in my 30's. ALOT.

anyway. this 'former flame'

(I shall now refer to her as ff),

contacted me about 8mo ago after she found me on twitter, and started reading this site.

we've been talking on the phone a few nites a week since, and she even visited 'the LA area' back in late february.

and I readily admit to you,

I still have feelings for this woman.

(but. she's still married)

now her marriage is/and always has been a

'one-sided' relationship, his side.

he controls everything, EVERYTHING.

he looks at their shared bank accounts 2-3 times a day,

inquires of her cell phone activity,

(they have two different accounts)

keeps tabs of her odometer,

*even putting leaves/branches around her tires.

she even has to keep the door open when she uses the toilet. ff tells me the reason for all of this has to do with the fact he 'apparently' found out about 'me' a few years after.

*I don't know. I've thought 'maybe' I wasn't her only 'transgression' over their 20+yr marriage.

anyway. I could go on in detail about this husband of hers; he constantly berates her daily with negative comments concerning her looks, clothing, make-up,

cooking, everything.

and especially scolds her about her lack of 'working-out' with him every single nite.

oh. I forgot to tell you this guy is a 'meathead-gym-rat', shoots-up steroids every monday,

and is 'cut' like 'arnold' back in the day.

ya. this guy is built. if you like that sort of thing.

*he also has broken her arm, given her facial/body bruising, and threatened to kill her numerous times.

**I couldn't make this shit up if I've tried,

AND I've seen the pictures after she's been beaten up.

ok then. just so I've clearly given you a description of this 'fucking piece of shit asshole'

(who I will now refer to as pos),

I can continue.

now as I have said before,

pos goes to his gym nightly,

leaving ff at the house til all hours of the night

(which is normally when we talk).

he leaves early evening,

and stays gone sometimes up to 8-12hrs.

(working-out?, at the gym? right!!!)

at first she thought he was seeing another woman;

he is always texting, going outside to talk on the phone,

and has his cell w/him constantly.

even hiding it when he showers.

*also, it needs to be said that he 'dislikes'

traditional sexual intercourse w/his wife,

and only likes 'hand jobs' from her, fully clothed.

**after he takes a cialis that is.

***in fact, that's the reason we got together in the first place back in '95 because of his non-sexual interest in his wife. which worked-out for me at the time.

but when she called me friday 'late' night and left

an 'urgent call me back' message on my cell,

I had no fucking idea what to expect.

so I called her back a few hours later when I woke-up,

and this is what she told me;

while pos was in the shower getting ready

to go 'work-out' friday,

(shower BEFORE working-out??? wtf???)

ff went out to his truck and looked in his gym bag.

she saw his gym clothes, shoes, 2 towels, 4 cialis,

cologne, tooth brush/paste, underwear,

red bull energy drinks, a pay-as-you-go cell phone,

a gag-ball (I didn't know what this was),

and something she called 'elbow grease'.

*she had to explain to me about the 'gag ball' w/strap,

and that 'elbow grease' is a water-based lubricant

that is used for anal sex.


so apparently ff just lost it,

she knew he was having an affair,

but with whom.

according to her, they argued 'intensely' for over an hour until he threw her in the pool (fully clothed)

and then took-off in his truck.

she changed clothes and went to his gym to confront him again, and he wasn't there.

nor did he not come home until the following day at noon.

it is at that time he admitted to her he had been gay for almost 10yrs, and that he was in love w/his partner.

then he left.

and as of 6pm today, he had yet to return.

ok then. I suppose you may be wondering why I just revealed intimate details of such a close friend.

well. I told ff I was going to because of her

response to all of this.

she 'blames herself' for this. ALL of it.

the beatings, the constant beratement,

the lack of sexual contact,

the over-the-top privacy issues,

not being allowed to go anywhere on her own

(how she came to see me is unknown),

and now with his sexual preference changing.

I've thought about this almost non-stop for two days now.

also, ff and I have been in constant contact since

this has happened.

she has even been hinting about her coming down

here for a visit.

but because of l.g./Jessica current situations

(which ff knows about),

I told her it probably wouldn't be such a good idea.

*besides. I'm not looking to be someone's 'crying towel'

right now. I know, harsh. but true.

my question to you guys;

why is she 'blaming herself' for everything?

and why would a guy who has 'everything' including a gorgeous wife, risk it all for another guy?

*ok. ok. I understand 'love' is a powerful emotion,

but I truly don't understand how your

sexual preference can change?

yes. I am very naïve regarding this

particular 'life situation'. so don't judge me.

I have been approached by homosexual men before,

but never engaged in any sort of conversation.

I'm going to inform ff of this posting,

so she can read it over and 'yell at me I'm sure'.

and I apologize to you all for typing this up here,

but I feel so much better doing so.

*fuck me, I either need a therapist, or a fuck-buddy' who is on the pill and will let me talk to her after sex... lol

alrighty then. moving along.

it's just past 7:30p, and all I've done all day is watch 'dexter'. love that show.

the girls are staying at a friends house for a few days,

Jack has been outside most of the day,

and Jess isn't feeling too well.

I'm thinking about going to get some sushi for dinner.

I'll see ya later...

18 June 2013/11am

good 'early' afternoon.

I've just 're-posted' the above entry as

I wrote it yesterday.

after a few conversations w/the person it is concerning 'totally pissed me off' I decided these were

my thoughts, my feelings, my questions.

so fuck it.

and by the way,

I'm not chastising the husband of this 'former friend'

for deciding to 'switch teams',

I was merely questioning his decision to do so.

I just didn't understand how a good-looking man

who has a beautiful wife,

(and apparently a few 'hotter' girlfriends/boyfriends)

would want to be with someone of the same sex.

I guess because I have 'never' thought of that kind of relationship for myself,

makes me 'an ignorant asshole'.

*her words exactly.

what I do have an opinion about is someone's

'sexual preference'

should be a private it issue,

and unless it concerns 'you' who cares.

*which leads me to the reason why I wrote this

entry to begin with.

ff has been constantly in contact w/me regarding her husbands 'possible infidelity' for a few months,

even asking me to assist her w/trying to find out who pos

was seeing/interested in.

and since my 'prior' background includes 'investigations',

I did volunteer my services.

and I will tell you this,

after a few days of 'looking into' this individuals 'habits',

his daily activities, and phone/text usage,

(yes. there are ways to look into these things)

I did indeed tell ff

(which now means 'former friend' NOT 'former flame')

that I thought her pos husband was either

bisexual or homosexual.

*how I came to that precise conclusion will be

my little secret mind you.

anyway. ff laughed at me and said I was crazy for 'assuming' that her 'stud of a husband' was gay.

and now, she knows.

so apparently,

I have lost a friend over my decision to post

the above entry.

and according to her,

even made myself liable for legal prosecution for 'invading her privacy' and posting things that are 'untruths' and 'made-up'.

*hey dummy, if they are 'untruths, then why did you

tell me to begin with,

AND send me pictures of your broken arm

and bruised body.

**I just wrote 'exactly' as you have previously told me.


in other news:

after I update my 'today in history' page

*thanks for the positive feedback you guys.

the girls, Jessica and I are going to take a drive along the coast and enjoy this beautiful southern california day.

have a great day everyone,

you too bitch!!!

I'll be back later tonite...


wow. received ALOT of feedback from you guys

concerning my entries above.

*I'll deal w/all that stuff tomorrow.

but in the interim,

I will indeed apologize to ff.

she called me a few times today, and left me messages.

I didn't talk to her until just a few minutes ago.

anyway. I AM sorry ff for my behavior, on this site.

*we've already said 'sorry' to one-another on the phone.

ok then. I am currently in santa barbara w/Ash & Elli,

and we decided to spend the night.

*Jess decided not to join our little exploration today,

and stayed back in agoura w/Jack.

we had a wonderful time today.

the drive, lunch/dinner, window shopping,

and a few galleries.

and the weather was absolutely beautiful today.

not sure what's on the agenda for tomorrow.

*I'm using my android to update this,

and it is extremely slow to do so.

I'll see you guys tomorrow...

19 June 2013/12:30am

I just had a lengthy conversation w/l.g.,

and had come downstairs and sat by the pool

to talk privately.

*security came by twice to tell me the pool area

had closed at 11pm. whatever.

anyway. after my convo had wrapped,

I was going by the front desk when I noticed this

computer sitting at a work station, all alone.

and the little plaque here says:

"please limit your computer usage

to a maximum of 10 minutes

so others may also communicate

with the world".

(very clever I say...)

so since nobody appeared to be in the lobby area waiting

to send an email to 'the queen',

I'd thought I would use this time to update my site.

that 'android' way sucks ass!!!

ok then. I'm updated,

the girls are sound asleep upstairs in our room,

my chat w/l.g. was 'almost' pleasant,

Jessica is doing well,

and ff is spending the night at a hotel because her husband 'literally' threw her out of their house tonite.

*I have no comment...

I am now going to go to bed. goodnite.


a sad day.

Tony Soprano will live forever.

'arrivederci' Tony Soprano

James Gandolfini starring in 'the Last Castle/2001'

James Gandolfini

September 18, 1961 - June 19, 2013

Rest in Peace...

to be continued...

(another day, another say...)